Driving Range?

Me N AngieNot too sure how this little gem managed to slip through my fingers in the last two months, but I had a good laugh over it.

Apparently, PopBitch (a snarky British celeb email-zine) sent out some information about hotels in South Sudan.


I happen to know a little bit about that: I mean, I am an avid PopBitch reader. . .

The excerpt in question was reprinted by People Magazine for Imbeciles dot com, otherwise known as Celebitchy.

Upon discovery, I was hesitant to link, or even make mention of this atrocity. Especially since I’ve tried very hard never to mention a person, organization, or firm by name on CHNEPR. Of course, that’s mostly because of the fact that I’m an acrimonious, avaricious and outspoken braggard.

See, normally I trust any and all information from a domain name containing the word ‘bitch,’ but these guys, I mean, these guys, are just plain making crap up. Then again, I’m all for poking fun, taking the piss, and yanking chains. So ultimately, it made sense as to why I’m even reprinting this drivel, let alone (dis)honoring the occasion with a custom CHNEPR2.0 pic.

So according to PopBitch:

Ever wondered why celebrities like Angelina Jolie have been rushing off to war zones? Life for international peacemakers may not involve quite such danger and hardship as we imagine. It seems to be more like living in an Ian Schrager hotel.

UN, UNICEF, foreign correspondents and the staff of most big aid agencies spend their time in camps run by a company called Afex. For more than $200 a night, foreigners trying to stop the war in Sudan live in luxury gated compounds (with names like Hotel California) enduring wi-fi, ensuite tents that wouldn’t look out of place in Wallpaper, satellite TV, games rooms, fully stocked bars (in this otherwise dry country) and espresso cafe.

Food-wise there’s everything from Mexican themed nights to curries, carveries, chinese buffets and ladies’ party nights.

Plus “logistics and security” experts Afex have a private army at your beck and call. They offer “asset protection” (ie can shoot anyone who looks twice at your laptop), and “access control” (guarding you from having to come into contact with locals etc).

Dry country? $200/night? Frickin Ian Schrager? War? What war?

But then again, I did have a delectable vichyssoise last night.

And though I’ve hit a few under-ripe mangoes into the Nile with six iron, I would hardly call that a driving range.


4 Responses to Driving Range?

  1. Intlxpatr says:

    So which is your camp? What is the nightly charge? And you DO have a driving range? Air conditioning in the en-suite tents?

    I’m not being mean, HOD, but be fair – the peace keepers and the NGOs live above the economy. (Vichysoisse?)

  2. We do have air conditioning in our apartments. A standard tent is $125/night. An ensuite is $165.

    But we don;t live above the economy. Juba is expensive since virtually nothign is produced here. I is all imported from Uganda, Kenya, or Khartoum. Yesterday I cought some potato chips. 3.5 ounces of Munch King sour cream and onion for $6.40. I saw a case of Corona for $42.

    At one point didn’t have gas cylinders for two weeks. I fielded so many complaints becasue we weren’t cooking omelettes to order in the mornings. Do we live above the economy? Yeah. I guess we do.

  3. wow. in all the times i have stayed in 3 camps in S Sudan says:

    i have never managed to find an AC’d tent or an omellete to order. i need to ask around next time i get out there! :)

    Afex can charge what they do, cos for those living there for months at a time some basic luxuries are welcome, it is stupidly hot, and we have the money to afford it. As for a private army…are you talking about the guys who stumble around the camp with empty AK’s? Not sure they could do much if you stole a laptop other than chase you in their rubber boots.

    It is a massively expensive place. Locals charge up to $150 a day to drive you around, and i also saw beer at £40 a crate.

  4. Personally, I wondered how this all came about. I am in the air conditioning industry and maybe just dont get it. I enjoyed visiting though!! Have a great weekend!

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