Pops in ‘Bama

So today it’s official.

It will be officially announced later today that my dad’s gonna be the president at the University of Alabama Huntsville. No word on whether my mom will be officially proclaimed the first lady. UAH President’s MansionAll the lead up info can be found here. This means my folks are leaving Bethlehem for northern Alabama this summer.

<———To live here.

Though we moved around a lot as kids (Australia, Britain, Sweden, New Mexico) we always had the house in the Hem. It expanded a bit, TV couches came and went, and the basement became somewhat of a vortex for action figures and Nerf products, but at least it was in the same place.

Thing is, when I moved to Africa, I had no idea when I left that house, that it might be the last time I’d leave it as my home.

*sniff.

(That was just a plea for international sympathy. Don’t buy into it.)

See, in actuality, it’s all quite fitting:

steve and matt at christmas
A: Matt has settled in NYC, foregoing a career of penthouses, money, women, bullet proof cars, and government glad-handing as an oil exec, to instead save the world one MySpace-addicted child at a time. Honestly, he’s gotta be the most educated babysitter on the face of the earth.

B: Steve is graduating from a second-rate Ivy League wanna-be institution with his degree in Civil Engineering (just a step up from Art History), and will most likely move to DC. Mols, Varn, Burch, Portia: alert all females in the area to be ready for bad pick-up lines.

If you’ve been reading CHNEPR at all, you might have a vague idea about me. But just in case you don’t know, I am a war profiteer exploiting indigenous peoples for my own professional gain.

So losing my boyhood home is not a sad thing at all. It’s monumental. It’s a turning point in the family. Truth be told, I’m really proud of the old man. He’s worked with one employer his entire career, living in—or always coming back to—Bethlehem for more than 30 years. He’s at least 70-something. Maybe 80. I don’t really know, I mean, he’s just old; like Charlton Heston old. He was totally gonna retire, travel, yell “get off my lawn” at whippersnappers, and tell everyone how good things used to be. Maybe buy a Winnebago or something. But now he’s leaving it all behind for an incredible opportunity.

Through it all, I’d like to think he followed my lead, you know, making a drastic career change.

In all honesty, way to go Pops. It’s gonna be a serious adjustment, and big change to the family dynamic, but we’re 100% behind you.

It’s frickin awesome.

I know The Babysitter and Art-History agree.

A few clarifications:

It’s not the Crimson Tide, bro, it’s the Chargers. Kinda like how UCLA is the Bruins, and UC Santa Cruz is the Banana Slugs.

My folks will keep the abode in Bethlehem for the time being, but when I do return to the States, I will most likely be returning to ‘Bama. It’s been a good long run at McGrady’s

I am very much looking forward to wearing a beater to bars, wearing overalls with no shirts, and learning to play the banjo.

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9 Responses to Pops in ‘Bama

  1. Matt says:

    Hilarious post, bro. Maybe “Art-History” can replace “Fuckwit” as the official nickname for His Nibs #3? A possibility. Nice use of the drunken Christmas party photo by the way.

    I am indeed the most over-educated babysitter on the face of the Earth. Friggin 10th graders…

    And yes, it’s the Chargers at UAH, but there’s no football team at Huntsville (like at PSU-LV) plus Dadoo gets the presidential box seats at ‘Bama football games in Tuscaloosa. Maybe we can ride there in the private jet?

    New band line up: You on banjo, Art-History on spoons and washboard, me on fiddle. Yee-haw.

  2. Portia says:

    felicitacions! and happy birthday.

  3. Ming's Table Manager says:

    Haven’t spent much time on this site because I prefer the email interaction. Congratulations to your family, sorry about the house… but perhaps we can still go to Musikfest to see some Red Elvis action.

    Hope you are well my friend.

  4. Steve says:

    2nd rate art history my ass. you cook, or tell people how to cook. and clean hotel rooms. whyd you even go to school

    and by the way, you are well aware my pickup lines are awesome, and are not going out to just anyone

    and matt, im down for the washboard, but im pretty sure me and spoons get along about as well as you and flaming drambuie. hmm perhaps not quite that bad…

  5. Steve with the burn. Well, in actually Matt was literallly burned.

    But please.

    There are numerous schools of though on removing and handling soiled linens. I follow the Scheisse-Urin methodology, myself. We had a 6 week seminar on it sophomore year.

    For serious.

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  7. intlxpatr says:

    *Dying laughing* and congrats to your Dad

  8. Somavilla says:

    NO!

    Ugh. I don’t even know how to respond to this.

    Except to insist that we get proper sloshed together at least once this summer before moving to points beyond.

    Please pass my congratulations on to your dad.

    And Steve, you’re not fooling anybody.

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