Thoroughly enjoyed this guy’s work.
For an abbreviated breakdown check the bracket. Full non-delusional analysis continues:
Wild Card Weekend:
Giants 10 @ Eagles 37:
Sure, the Birds lost to the Giants their first meeting this season. But it was in OT and Philly was still getting stitched back together from TO’s ego shredding the locker room. Furthermore, the Eagles haven’t lost a wild card weekend game since 1996, and have made it to the Divisional Playoffs 4 times out of the last 5 years. With Garcia bringing the old school CFL scramble, bipolar B Dawk rallying the recombinant D, and Jim Johnson‘s playbook, Philly’s “Zombies” are the team to watch.
Cowboys 13 @ Seahawks 19:
Watching the Cowboys play is like watching John Williams direct The Kids of Widney High. How Bill Parcells could be shoveling the coal into the fire of such a train wreck is beyond me. Sure, Seattle’s nothing special—kind of like the entire NFC, I guess—but a team that loses the last game of the season to Detroit at home is not a serious contender for anything in the post season. Dallas is downtrodden and will put a fight, but it won’t help. Maybe next year we’ll Barry Switzer will try to make a comeback.
Chiefs 6 @ Colts 41:
Easy win for the Indianapolis. KC just edged Denver thanks to a hot Niners win there and by somehow managing to chop up Jacksonville. Throw in a dash of Tennessee hopes, a pinch of crushed Bengals, bake for 30 minutes at 350° and voila! you get a whole lotta suck. The Chiefs don’t deserve this wild card spot and the Colts are, well, the Colts. They’ll make it one or two games deep just to get their fans’ hope up and choke just like they’ve done every year prior. Serve with torilla chips and hot sauce.
Jets 27 @ Patriots 16:
It was only a last year that the Jets got knocked out of the post season because Doug Brien couldn’t make a kick under OT pressure. And you know what? I hate the New England Pariots like nuts in brownies. They get an entire region. Not just a city, not just a state, but MA, CT, RI, ME, VT, and NH behind them. Granted it’s a bunch of cold, waspy states, but that’s a hell of a constituent nonetheless. But to football: with the Jets’ Nugent kicking more successfully, and the Pats’ Bruschi sounding more and more like an aging boxer on a daily basis, I fore/want to see the smug petulance of Belichick and Brady get a proverbial punch in the jaw.
Eagles 43 @ New Orleans 37:
Oh, to dream a dream. Hurricane-torn New Orleans rallys around a Cinderella story and the reverie of a Superbowl win in Miami. *Sigh. Not gonna happen. The only thing luckier than the Saints‘ earlier season 31-yard FG win over the Birds at the buzzer was Rita hitting Galveston. Oooooh. Ooooooooooh! Too soon? Not only have the Birds been in the Divisional Champsionship five of the last six seasons, they have a 5-0. In the last few regular season games, the Birds have only gone up, the Saints only down. I think it’s gonna be a close game, but the Eagles will surely come out on top.
Seahawks 7 @ Bears 46:
Oh the huge manatee! This one’s gonna be a slaughter. Seattle does not look like the NFC champions of last year and—since his injury especially—Hasselbeck is not playing like the world class QB he was once purported to be. Grossman and his stable of prolific receivers are gonna poke holes in Seattle’s defense while the Bears acrimonious D will hold the Hawks in their own territory the majority of the game.
Colts 13 @ Ravens 9:
McNair and Moss made a hell of a pair. Clayton and Heap are good, but there’s no magic. The real magic of the Ravens is the fact Ray Lewis killed a man and got away with it. Still, in ’02-’03 Indy was shutout in Wild Card Weekend. ’03-’04, they actually made it to, but lost Conference Championship game. ’04-’05, and ’05-06 Peyton pulled a Mama Cass in the Divisional Championship. Seriously, these guys are worse the ’90-’93 Bills. This is their year to asphyxiate in the AFC championship.
Jets 20 @ Chargers 31:
To tell you the truth, I was kinda surprised to see the Chargers with the best record in the NFL. Where the hell did they come from? 10 game winning streak? Weren’t they only good back in the 90’s with Junior Seau? Did I miss this just cause I’m in Africa? Whatever. No way the Jets will actually make anything of themselves. Given time, maybe. They’re like mini Colts, collapsing under just a little pressure: they’ve had two Division championships since 1970. Pfffff.
Eagles 16 @ Bears 12:
The game of the year, right here. They did not play one another this past regular season. The Bears, depsite a plethora of NFL Championships prior to the 1970 NFL/AFL merger, da Bears have only one Superbowl (XX) under their belt from 1985. The Eagles, though having been to The Big Game twice (XXXIX and XV), have no rings—not even ones with oval amber stones that lead to mayhem and hilarity! The outcome of this game can only be determined by anayzing the important factors:
Chi-town: Jones- 1210 yds, 6 TDs
Philly: Westbrook- 1217 yds, 11 TDs
Philly: Brown- 816 yds, 46 rec, 9 TDs
Chi-town: Muhammed- 863 yds, 60 rec, 5 TDs, name sounds vaguely muslim
Chi-town: Rex Grossman: 262 for 480, 54.6% for 3193 yds
Philly: McNab+Garcia= 296 for 504, 58.7% for 3956 yds
Philly: Cheese steak
Chi-town: Deep dish
5) Shitty Suburb:
Chi-town: Skokie, IL
Philly: Camden, NJ
6) Fans 1:
Philly: fans will assault, badger, and harass you
Chi-town: fans wear sweaters, and will politely discuss the weather, cheese curds, and braats with strangers
7) Fans 2:
Philly: “Drunk Bastards”
Chi-town: The Cubs’ were in the World series was 1945
Philly: The Phils’ last World Series was ’92, but lost to a Canadian team
Philly: Andy Reid has moustache
Chi-town: Lovie Smith is named Lovie
Chi-Town: Mothers and daughters often attend games with the family
Philly: The Vet and the Linc were built with a court room and jail cell inside the stadium
At 7-2-1, The Eagles are the clear winner in this match up.
Colts 21 @ Chargers 36:
I really have no good reason as to why San Diego is gonna win other than the fact that The Colts must lose. No matter how good the Colts seem to be they cannot make it to the Superbowl. Even as an Eagles fan, it’s just sad to watch. No matter how cool Manning seems to be in his SportsCenter and Mastercard commercials, deep down in our heart of hearts we know he’s a loser. It’s in the Bible: Matthew 4:12 “Lo, when it comes to pressure horses shall no longer breathe, as if drowning in a great flood, and thus, suck badly.”
Eagles 29 and Chargers 23:
Tomlinson is ridiculous. And their defense frickin is voracious: Merriman has averaged more than one sack per game. A formidable opponent indeed, but this is the Eagles. One cannot apply logic and reason to matters involving Philaelphia Sports team (see Conference Championships section). No matter how good Westbrook happens to be, he’s not triple-threat, he’s a pretty good runner thats too short to be great, an average receiver, and shitty special teams player. Brown, Stalworth, and Smith aren’t standouts. Trotter, Cole, and Considine aren’t playmakers. Riiiiiiiiight. It just makes perfect sense that Eagles will win the Superbowl with their aging, second-string QB and that their Pro-bowl snubbed, ‘pretty good’ runner will get three touchdowns (one rushing, one receiving, and one returning) and snag the MVP.
UPDATE: A good friend from PA—also living abroad—has pointed out that I ahve way to much time alone as well as the following innacuracies in this post:
2) Lincoln Finanacial field, sadly does not have the jail cell and courtroom the Vet once housed. Despite numerous tenuous internet sources boasting the contrary, I’m gonna go with his word on this one.
Ahh January. The brilliant azure skies, the cool mornings, and sunny afternoons. The sound of Vervet and Colubus Monkeys calling in the avocado trees and the smell of the green, green grass. Tough crap, NYC: that’s what January is like in Kenya.
But back in the States, not just cold; it’s time for speculation.
Completely Unbiased, Informed, & Educated Macworld Predictions:
Updated for sure. And yeah I know it’s an old pic. The new ones are stupid. Expect improvements across all the iApps, and of course look for Numbers or whatever they’re gonna call the spreadsheet app for iWork. For the wildcard, I’m gonna call a mystery product lurking about like when GarageBand was introduced. What would this app be? well if I told you it wouldn’t be a mystery. . .
Contrary to Thinksecret‘s belief, I think we’re gonna get a a real product name, a launch date, and an upgraded remote. It was highly uncharacteristic to give a sneak preview, and to go through Macworld and not release this would not be good for the product or Apple. As well, have a feeling this product will be much cooler than we had originally thought. There’ll be a hard drive in it, a powerful widgetting version of Front Row, and other crazy stuff to make is worth $299.
The iTunes Store will get more movies from more studios, and HD options for downloading. Why else would iTV have an HDMI port? Also, we’re gonna see some more games pop up. Definitely for the iPod, but I won’t rule out other Apple platforms. While I’d really like to see free ad supported content and video rentals, I’m not gonna hold my breath.
I think the Cinema Displays are gonna start looking and behaving more like TVs. Look for integrated iSights, 1080p HD across the board, HDMI support, perhaps even component inputs. I’d like to see significant price reductions, but perhaps after this Macworld, there’ll be a good reason to pay a premium. And you heard it here first: a 42-incher will rear it’s brushed-aluminum head.
A new, sleeker, lower priced USB-external iSight with infa-red capabilities and Apple remote support bringing Front Row to older Macs. The old iSight was quietly EOLed last months and was due for an update anyway. Actually, what the hell. What about wireless support? Yeah. Bluetooth or 802.11n. The way things are going these days wireless in anything is beginning to make sense.
No updates since it would snub all the christmas purchases. In the past, I believe, updated iPods were released in February or March, so people didn’t feel so bad. The one exception might be at MWSF ’05, when the first shuffle was unveiled. Therefore, new product categories are fair game. With the high iPod at $349, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a new $499 high end device. . .
Attention everyone! Duke Nukem Forever will be release in an iPod only format!! It’s one thing when loser bloggers like myself talk abotu completely unfounded speculation. But when analyst after professional analyst does it too, it’s jsut sad. This one is not gonna happen despite all the rumour-mongering. Apple Needs too much control. I won’t rule out a later release though.
Going out a limb here, and backing Jason O’Grady. No, not because I’m a dreamer. I have my reason. Something has always bothered me about the state of Mac notebooks offerings since the iBook was first release in 1999. A look at Apple’s product matrix will show you something: three is the magic Number:
Mac Pro, iMac, Mac mini
iPod, iPod nano, iPod shuffle
Final Cut Pro, Final Cut Express, iMovie
Logic Pro, Logic Express, Garage Band
Aperture, iPhoto, Preview
30″ Cinema Display, 23″, 20″
MacBook Pro, ???????, MacBook
Flash based, mid priced at $1999, no optical drive, and a sporting a 12″ LCD, the MacBook Nano will be Apple’s entry into the ultraportable market. Now I have no sources to back this up, but then again neither does thinksecret, macrumors, or appleinsider. They make shit up as they go along just like me.
So there you have it. High hopes, I know. But I have a feeling we’ll see even more.
Stay tuned for Completely Unbiased, Informed, and Educated Predictions for the 007 NFL PLayoffs.
The end of last year began with mediocre meal at the best Latin restaurant in Nairobi. That’s right: the best Latin restaurant in Nairobi. May as well be the tallest mountain in Kansas or the prettiest girl at Cornell.
But the Stella was cold. Hell, they actually had Stella.
At around 11:00 we headed off to my other favorite spot in Westlands when we realized Havana has no bubbly. A New Years without bubbly is like nachos without cheese.
I’d done the work a number of times, and had no trouble. But I’d never walked it with a white woman before.
As we turned a corner, a young man walked up to me asking me for money. I ignored him.
“Just five shillings,” he pleaded.
I slowed, realizing the pittance he was soliciting. It was then I heard a woman’s scream. I had increased my pace due to the boy’s nagging, and left my friend a little behind me.
I whirled around, my eyes darting and my fists clenched. The boys were running away, but my friend was hurrying towards me. They had tried to grab her purse, but she had iron-fisted grip and they were thwarted.
She said she was alright and I walked with my around her for the rest of the way.
We arrived at Gypsy, a big hangout for Indian expats. It’s four bars right in a row with a big patio that interconnects all of them. I apologized for my naïvety and compromising her safety. I was angry at myself for falling for an easy no-lookie con. But my friend was cool about it, and we were in a safe haven for booze once more.
Unfortunately there were only Freixenet minis left. So I got a six pack and we partied white trash style, carrying the full ones in our left hands and drinking from the bottle.
We counted down at midnight and it was a pretty ordinary New Years despite being thousands of miles away from the country in which I’d celebrated the occasion ever other time in my life.
– – – – –
New Years has never been about the celebration for me. It’s a night for amateurs. As well, it’s never been about looking forward and making resolutions. Mostly it’s about looking back.
2006 was an amazing year. I traveled the world, living in a near eternal summer. New Years last year in Manhattan, a week in Vermont at the beginning of January, skiing outside Vegas on my birthday, and August in Scotland was about as lousy as I had it.
The Birds came back from 5-6 winning only to win the next five straight and are more fired for the playoffs than any other team around. Not to mention their third strings and rookies walked all over Atlanta to round out the season.
Feldheim, a collaborative music blog between some friends really took off.
I became a Vegas karaoke celebrity.
I got a new laptop.
I went skydiving with some of my best friends from college.
I drove across the United States with one of my best friends from Bethlehem.
I got new and challenging job in a new nation and on a new continent.
Rumsfeld got fired.
And I found a beautiful, supportive girlfriend.
2006 was spectacular by any standards, yet I can’t help but look forward this time around. The biggest project of my professional career is taking off. Before that happens, I get to spend two weeks running around Cairo, Giza, and the beaches of Zanzibar. And I am beginning to truly feel at home in this new and different place.
Things are great now.
But it’s only gonna get better.
Happy New Year.